05 Searching Notes

In a fit of public spiritedness I decided to become a teacher (it also had something to do with every job application being turned down). The songwriting relationship with Chris having grown I chose the nearest college to where he was.

This covers the first half of that academic year and is notable because we did the first embarrassing band gig and the less embarrassing first recordings in the Octopus studio, I'd managed to entangle myself in a long distance relationship which was never going to work (all my fault), I started thinking about themed songs and I was just about to fall properly in love. And I was learning to how to teach, or something like it.

1. Evergreen

This perhaps represents the feeling that being the sensitive spiritual person I was I had missed out, most obviously on sex but also on other venal experiences. Then again you win some, you lose some.

2. Locks in her hair

This brings back another recent boating holiday. The locks (in the watery sense) appeared far too often for me as we had to drop what we doing and man our stations. It's mostly whimsy about that elusive woman that I was supposed to have met by then.

3. Write me a letter

This song may be a reflection on the the long distance relationship when (in those days) communication had to be by letter. There was excitement in looking out for mail, physically opening the envelope, reading stuff in the other person's handwriting and then having the letter as a keepsake. Sigh.

4. If only it were true

Another show song, written but never performed. Ironically it's one of my favourites as it reflected my own longing for a partnership of some kind.

5.Can't stand it

A song born out of the teaching experience. It became a Garrison Lane staple and I'm particularly fond of Steve's long tom-tom roll in the recorded version.

6. Lennon

December 9th 1980 was when I heard the news and I remember strumming my guitar alone in an empty corridor. The Beatles were the mainstay of my young years and to hear that one had gone was sobering indeed.

7. Couple out walking

Distance and involvement at the same time. Business as usual.

8. Walking alone

This takes me back a walk in a rural part of my home town, struck, as I still am, by the beauty of bare trees in the winter. It’s the usual ‘will I, won’t I’ which became ‘never did, or did once and ran away’.

Despite the irregular phrasing I like this one as it does sum up the indecision of the time.

9. Neddy

The name came from one of my student friends. It's whimsy and a little bit rude. And a strange chord sequence (for me).

10. Naive

Being interested in religion, particularly Christianity, is very unfashionable these days. So here's one for the thoguhtfully spiritual - we still have something useful to say (and be).

Love Unknown

Love Unknown is one of my favourite hymns, if not my favourite. It would be just for the first line, let alone the marvellous poetry and the haunting tune. 'My song is love unknown' could easily be my mission statement.

The idea of my first song sequence (I hesitate to call it a song cycle, such pretension would come later) was to explore the idea of unknown love in different ways, mixing the sacred and the secular. To make it more interesting for myself (and being desperate for ideas) I decided to use the names of places in my home team. It was also the first serious collaboration with Chris and there was always half an eye on recording it properly.

11. Beams

Beams was the name of a coffee shop/ restaurant long defunct. The name gave me a handy way of describing the way that religious experience should be kicking me up the backside and out of complacency. The unknown love is one of sacrifice and joy, which should be constantly moving us on.

12. The cellar

The band used to practise in a cellar owned by enlightened friends of one of us until they either got fed up with the noise or moved or both. This is about love lost on the hedonistic roundabout, the near-sightedness of passion.

13. Grand Hotel

The Grand was a hotel/bar/dive I knew of but hardly ever entered. Chris played at least one gig there in a previous band.

Here the love has disappeared within formality, how routine threatens to take over and become an end in itself.

14. The grove

This is one of my favourite songs, the only one of this set where I did the music as well. The Grove is a tree-lined walk not far from the twown centre. I never visited it much but it became a symbol in my mind of lonely unrequited walks.

Here we re-visit the recurring theme of shyness crossed with an over-exaggerated sense of fate. I didn't actually know anyone called Marie but there was a French exchange student with that name who ironically developed a crush on me back in my schooldays.

15. The flood years

The Fludyers is now a restaurant and hotel but we knew it as a pub and it was one of our favourites. Please pardon the pun.

This is the age-old religious question of where, in the face of poverty and natural disasters, is the divine love?

16. Welcome Hall

In all band played four gigs at the local Welcome Hall, including my first and last. These small social centres play a great part in developing the local arts even if it is loud not awfully pleasant pop music.

The unknown love becomes known in some sort of vision of heaven, seen in terms of human relationships (brother, daughter, friend) finding rest and fulfilment. Chris skilfully brought the Beams theme back in to show that, of course, we're still on the journey. But why not do both at the same time?